Salam Bro,
Tahniah untuk tahun 2000 yang gemilang. Tapi seperti yang bro sendiri tahu, glory is temporary. Apa impact sesuatu event tu kepada kita, itu yang kita akan carry sampai bila-bila.
Bro lebih cakna, mentally aware dan baru experience culture shock. Pertama, tahniah dan terima kasih atas keputusan untuk mulakan buku baru, menjadi “Sabri” yang baru di sini. Berani keluar dari zon selesa dan betul-betul menguji kemampuan diri. Your mantra, “kita tak akan tahu setakat mana maksimum kita boleh pergi, selagi kita tak sampai tahap maksimum tu”.
And boy, that’s quite a distance that you have scaled.
Memang dari dulu bro ada cita-cita untuk jadi wakil sekolah, bertanding peringkat daerah, bertanding peringkat negeri, pergi peringkat kebangsaan, jadi pembahas, ini semua sesuatu Sabri yang dulu cuma dapat mimpi sahaja. Kerana Sabri yang dulu terlalu pasif dan pemalu amat sangat.
Di samping jadi PRS, ketua kelas, presiden persatuan, itu mungkin Sabri yang dulu akan achieve juga, cuma take time. But you have did all these and more.
Walaupun begitu, it is nice that you recognize that Sabri yang baru ini bukanlah Sabri yang totally baru. It is still the same Sabri inside, cuma the other side of the coin. Tanpa Sabri yang kantoi UPSR, tanpa Sabri yang grow dalam diam di SABS, tidak akan ada Sabri yang tiba-tiba petah ni. Semuanya dari realisation yang, all the hardship and hell that you have gone through up to that point, adalah supaya dapat keluar dari rumah dan masuk asrama penuh. So there is no turning back. Walau tension, stress dan tough sekali pun suasana di sekolah, you know that you have to face it.
Tapi tak sampai setahun, you realise that semua teori yang Bro baca, power dan padu. Cuma dah habis dalam tempoh tak sampai 6 bulan. There’s so much positivity that you can do and bring kalau environment around you is not that conducive. You have to struggle on two fronts, academic and social.
Jom kita discuss pasal akademik dulu. Dari ranking nombor lebih kurang 30+ jadi 40+ sebelum berakhir dengan 50+ dalam a pool of 140+, you are actually not doing that bad. Means you are on the upper half, tetapi you keep comparing yourself dengan others yang lebih cemerlang. Plus, kawan-kawan nampak macam makin improving, tapi bro makin lama makin merosot (nasib baik at slower pace).
I want to tell you, hang on. Untuk add math tu, buat 2 soalan satu hari je and you will be fine. Treat it different dari math sebelum ni yang setiap soalan kena ada jawapan, sedangkan add math ni, adakalahnya dia suruh permudahkan sahaja. Permudahkan tak bermaksud X kena ada jawapan! Jadi sebab tu lah bro berimaginasi dengan jalan kerja yang salah.
Tapi bro tau, actually it’s a good thing. One of the reason you suffer tapi overall on paper, it seems you are not doing that bad adalah, bro mula realize mungkin sains and maths bukanlah bidang bro. Tanda-tanda tu ada dari SABS dah, bila subjek lain semua A kecuali math dan sains waktu Form 1, 2. Tapi kita ignore. Bila di sekolah sains ni, gap tu lebih glaring. Subjek teras semua cemerlang, tapi subjek elektif semua out kecuali biologi.
Overall I will say, hang in there. It will all ends okay. You are not doing that good academically, but you have done well enough to earn a scholarship. High tide raise all boats.
Ok now, socially you have been prudent. Bro rasa bro dah hit the max dan bro tak nak pergi lagi jauh anymore. Bro rasa bro dah tau kat mana maksimum kemampuan bro. Next year will be your senior year dan you have decided to clam up, put a smiley face on, let go semua position yang bro tak enjoy dan tak mahu pun. You just want to keep being class monitor dan kapten pasukan bahas.
I hate to inform you this, but bro akan kalah re-election ketua kelas. Tapi good thing is bro kalah tipis 15-13 (bro dapat semua undi pelajar perempuan kecuali seorang. Dan bro tak dapat undi seorang pun pelajar lelaki. haha.. macam mana tu). Oklah, untuk seorang yang tak berapa nak hensem, not that bad lah. Bro bukan player, bukan jual muka atau kaki jual ayat manis (belum lagi). Bro dianggap tidak tegas oleh rakan masjid. Persepsi ni wujud bila ada movement untuk semua kelas tukar tempat duduk, lelaki duduk di baris depan dan perempuan duduk di baris belakang. Pelajar perempuan banyak protes. Bro tak buy in the idea pun, tapi bro tahu yang bro cannot verbalise this. Nanti kena label lagi teruk. As you know difference between silent majority vs noisy minority, you manage to negotiate a truce. Instead of semua lelaki dkt depan dan perempuan di baris belakang, kelas akan ada 3 baris meja. Lelaki akan duduk di baris tengah, dan perempuan akan duduk di baris kiri dan kanan. Jadi dua-dua ada opportunity untuk duduk depan (konon-kononnya). Lelaki yang buat bising paling kuat, dihantar duduk baris depan. Nak sangat kan. Dan di sini label tak tegas tu mula lekat.
To be honest bro, kita memang dari dulu sampai sekarang tak kisah dengan label tak tegas tu. Actually, label tak tegas tu diberi oleh orang yang tak kenal kita, dan orang yang kita tak nak kenal sangat pun. Haha.. Sebab kita tahu, tak guna jadi tegas. At the end of the day, it is about influence. Tegas ke tak tegas ke, it doesn’t matter. Yang penting, we get what we want. Sometimes orang ingat kita tak tegas about something, but actually for us, we don’t buy in the idea, so we are not enforcing it. Haha.. Tapi ok lah bro, no worries. People give labels to things that they don’t understand. You will do well in life if you understand this.
Having said that, you don’t expect to kalah lah kan. Mathematically, kalau dua tiga kawan-kawan lelaki yang neutral undi bro pun, bro dah menang. Waktu tingkatan empat, bro tak sangka bro menang. Dan Waktu tingkatan lima, bro tak sangka bro kalah. Kalau tak salah, undi bro meningkat tapinya. haha..
Walaupun a bit hurt, tapi bro tak rasa lah bro kena back stab ke apa. At the same time bro rasa teruja jugak dapat almost semua undi perempuan considering that sebenarnya ada beberapa yang vokal against bro. Cara bro yang over positive ni manage to win you some enemies, but at the same time alienate you from some friends. Cuma, one thing you realise, how’s the alignment and the sentiment on the ground. When rubber meets the road, you know who you can count upon.
Tapi bro manage to accept it professionally and gracefully. No hard feeling expressed (ini je lah the only time, you write or talk about it). Follow your policy for the upcoming year, clam up and put a smiley face on, you get along well dengan everyone. Even outspoken critics yang tahun lepas label you tak tegas tu pun dan start warm up to you. Again, you win your critics, but nobody is counting.
On the debate front pulak. Your performance improved. Cuma ada sacrifice, for some unknown reason you will lose an important (the most talented) member of the team. You are disappointed, because jadi pembahas is your dream come true, tapi ada orang yang born with talent, quit. Tapi at the end, waktu tu social pressure on everyone sangat kuat. Understandable, everyone has their own struggle. Cuma kesian, sebab you become tough on junior who are filling in her spot (ada gap besar antara junior tu dengan senior yang left tu). Anyway, everything ada blessing in disguise. You will go on to win a lot next year. Even, the unthinkable Pembahasa Terbaik daerah Hulu Selangor. Bragging rights among your siblings.
Waktu ni, perasaan mahu disukai tu start ada. Tapi nasib baik boleh control. Macam semua benda lah, clam up. Simpan dan just tunjuk smiley face to the outside world. You know your place. Dekat sini, you consider yourself a wallpaper je and you are happy to fly below the radar. Unlike dekat SABS, you are the F1 car on exhibition, special. Dekat sini, you are just one of the many F1 car on race track. You are not special anymore.
You suffer a lot bro. But you have done a very good job at it. One thing I can tell you bro, 20 years on, kaki-kaki provok tu masih kaki provok juga, and it seems everyone has their own struggle termasuklah headboy. But you have become a better, bigger man and you don’t care anymore.
Kalau ada apa yang I can share with you bro:
- Jangan lurus sangat. When you are assigned with a team untuk majalah sekolah tu, don’t assume you have to work with what you are given. Reshuffle, make the team your own. Yang penting, deliver. To be clear, you always consider this as your failure lah. You learned the lesson, late.
- Find a workable routine. Cuba tidur awal.
- Be bold with options that you take in life. You don’t have to follow the same mould that have been cast for people like you.
- You will get out of this intact in good form. Be grateful. Alhamdulillah.
Good luck!
Sabri
The 36 years old you
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Breakfast: Pancake with honey, sausages, scrambled egg & baked beans
Lunch: Nasi putih, ikan masak lemak, telur dadar
Dinner: Spaghetti Aglio Olio, Sliced chicken breast, broccoli